Tanhā is the Buddhist term for thirst, desire or longing. When we are overwhelmed with a feeling of Tanhā, we do what the Buddhists call clinging or grasping. Our minds become so engrossed with acquiring the object of our Tanhā––money, fame, status, recognition, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc––that we lose any and all presence in our lives. We think that clinging and grasping will allow us to obtain that which we desire––and occasionally it does––but it often leads to feelings of agitation, annoyance, frustration and deep dissatisfaction.

To prevent Tanhā from ruling our lives, we first have to acknowledge the moments when we are clinging and grasping. Think about the child who throws a tantrum when they want ice cream. As soon as they get ice cream, the tantrum stops. But, only momentarily. When the child's desire for ice cream returns, they will throw another tantrum. The parent's job is to teach the child to be content despite not having that which they desire. This means allowing the child to throw a tantrum without the pacifier of ice cream.

We are all children in adult bodies who have to become better parents to ourselves. We should never reprimand ourselves for experiencing Tanhā because this will cause us to develop feelings of shame around desire (a far uglier beast to wrestle). Instead, we should sit still when we are clinging and grasping. We should see that we are clinging and grasping. We should show ourselves empathy while we're doing this clinging and grasping. But, we should have the discipline to remind ourselves that sometimes we don't get the things we cling and grasp for and that's entirely okay.