Dear devilishly good-looking subscriber,
Right about now you should be hearing a loud–– BANG!
Yup, there it is.
I am so sorry. I invested in that delivery owl a couple years back in hopes to impress my email subscribers.
Unfortunately, he can't fly worth shit–– I've had to replace like 7 office windows since bringing him on.
Anyways, you should be receiving a few emails from shortly. In the mean time, if you have some extra change lying around… you should consider picking up my copywriting guide… it’ll teach you how to sell like hell with words.
P.S. Be sure to shut window, owl brings new friends captured squirrels as gifts.