How to make a Moscow Mule (by a copywriter).
I’m a copywriter by day.
But, I moonlight as a Moscow Mule connoisseur.
I drink 3-4 Moscow Mules a week.
I've sampled hundreds all over the United States (and the world).
I know more than most about how to make a damn good Moscow Mule.
Allow me to explain how it should be done...
Step One. Set the scene.
This isn't a fucking tickle contest. We aren't grab-assing here. We are crafting one of the greatest cocktails in the world and it should be approached with a tremendous amount of seriousness. Choose a good album to play (preferably on vinyl).
My recommendation would be "Geography" by Tom Misch.
Step Two. Use a copper mug.
Moscow Mules come in copper mugs. Don't serve a Moscow Mule in a fucking glass. Unless, for whatever reason, you don't have one in-house.
If you do have a copper mug on hand and you don't serve your Moscow Mule in said copper mug, you might find yourself in hell one day.
Step Three. Ice should be crushed.
Use crushed ice. If you don't have crushed ice, place cubed ice in a heavy burlap bag and beat the shit out of the bag against the countertop until the ice is crushed.
Part of what makes a damn good Moscow Mule is the biting of the crushed ice. It's this contrast in texture that adds to the experience of the Moscow Mule.
Step Four. Use premium vodka.
There is no place for Burnett's in a Moscow Mule. If you only have Burnett's or Svedka, don't be an asshole and make a Moscow Mule... instead, hold off and make a Moscow Mule when you have a premium vodka in the cupboard.
Ketel One is a lovely option. So, is Grey Goose. Tito's will by no means leave you purring, but it will do.
Step Five. Ginger Beer.
I once had a bartender serve me a Moscow Mule made with soda water. I looked at him and asked him why he served me a Moscow Mule with soda water. He said he didn't have any Ginger Beer. I said, he should have told me because a Moscow Mule with soda water is not a Moscow Mule.
I eventually had to be escorted out of the bar. I don't get too picky about my Ginger Beer, I just ask that it shows up to the party. But, if I were to have it my way, Fever-tree would be in most Moscow Mules.
Step Six. One-quarter of a juicy lime.
Your lime should be juicy. It is a lime, for God's sake. If you slice open your lime and it's a dry lime, don't squeeze it like an empty toothpaste pouch. Get a new lime.
Additionally, this is personal preference, but I like my Moscow Mules with more lime. I don't want a slice, I want a quarter of a lime in my Moscow Mule.
Regardless of your taste in citrus, lime should always be in attendance. My brother is allergic to limes. I love him but I don't drink Moscow Mules with him.
There is absolutely no room for that bullshit. If you have a friend that is allergic to (or worst yet doesn't like) limes... don't invite them to the evening of Moscow Mules. You shouldn't be burdened by their allergy.
Step Seven. Mint.
This varies from person to person but I think it's a sin not to garnish your Moscow Mule with mint. It adds another layer of complexity to the Moscow Mule. It makes it more challenging to put your finger on. It's a sense of mystery all of us need in our lives.
With that said, your mint should be fresh. If you don't have fresh mint, don't include it in your Moscow Mule.
By Cole Schafer.
P.S. The reason this was the best guide to making Moscow Mules you've ever read is because I am good with words. If you want to be good with words too, you should buy my copywriting guide.
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